Caring for an ailing spouse or aging parent is a natural undertaking for many of us. The person you love needs you, and you respond to those needs — often without recognizing your role as a “caregiver,” said Minni Nair, executive director of the Acacia Place adult day program at Cleveland-based Eliza Jennings West Side health campus.
“Deep down most people, especially women, feel as though caring for their mom or dad or their husband is their responsibility,” Nair said, “and providing that daily care can be very rewarding when it something that you value and you want to do.”
Here’s the rub: The intimacy of the relationship tends to mean family caregivers put their own needs second, or even third or fourth in the case of middle-aged adults who are nurturing children and careers while also caring for an elderly relative.
“Many of these caregivers also have very unrealistic expectations of themselves, thinking that they can do it all, and many times just refusing to ask for help,” she added.
In her professional role, Nair said she frequently sees burnout among family caregivers. They get drained and fatigued by the stress and grind of caretaking. They develop poor eating and sleeping habits and stop making time for exercise or other routines like lunch with friends or visits to their own doctors. They find it hard to be effective at work. Relationships with spouses and children suffer.
The burnout – formally known as caregiver stress syndrome – can have serious consequences. Nair said research shows that 70% of caregivers suffer from depression. Caregivers also have 20% higher levels of stress hormones and are 45% more likely than their non-caregiving peers to suffer from chronic conditions including heart disease, diabetes and arthritis.
In one study, women who spent nine or more hours a week caring for an ill or disabled spouse increased their risk of coronary heart disease twofold.
“And adults between the age of 66 and 96 caring for a spouse have a 63% higher mortality rate than a non-caregiver of the same age,” according to Nair.
Common symptoms of caregiver stress syndrome include:
- Sudden change in appetite or sleep habits
- Feelings of sadness, irritability or helplessness
- Chronic fatigue and/or loss of motivation
- Withdraw from people or activities you once enjoyed
- Frequent illness, headaches or muscle pains
It’s implicit as a caregiver to be on the lookout for these signs in your own life and health. Too many caregivers, Nair said, see things like sleeplessness or depression as “just part and parcel of the caregiving process.”
Self-care is not being selfish. Self-care means taking care of yourself, Nair said, so you are healthy enough to continue your role as a caregiver effectively.
Self-care practices can range from maintaining a regular sleeping routine and eating healthy to spending time in nature and expressing gratitude, and what works for one person might look different than what works for someone else. They key is finding the right balance of self-care behaviors that promote happiness and health, she said, and making time for them in your day, which often means you need to ask for help.
Nair said the biggest challenge to self-care for most caregivers in an inability to ask for help.
“Letting go of any aspect of their caregiving makes them feel like they’re not fulfilling their duties,” she said. “But, the reality is that by not taking the time to take care of themselves, they are actually becoming less and less effective caregivers.”
Nair said help can come from family and friends, from community resources such as churches or senior groups in your area, or from professionals like home care services or adult day programs.
She added that caregivers who utilize some form of professional senior care often struggle less to make decisions when it’s time to transition from home to an assisted living situation or from assisted living to long-term care.
“These are never easy decisions, but it seems as though once a caregiver has accepted that they need help and has seen that other people are able to help them take care of their loved one, seeking out additional layers of assistance becomes easier and less traumatic,” Nair said.
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